Snow across my bed there is no ease to pain, In my ears are the memories of your voice a quiet rain, Our path our hopes a missed train, At night this heart yearns for your pillow, These cold blankets lifeless without your eyes that glow, I rest in beats here, my heart forgetting your rhythm, I own nothing of you now, Yet owe half of everything to you, My hands clasped up to my forehead I pray, I’m a fool, silly fool for you; This June, I wish I was your only tune, I let go of you, this kiss for you, this list for you, This gentle music is all I can give to you now. Our world may be ending, But I’m hoping to see you one day smiling.
A dim lit table and the warmth of latte in my hands, Like petals to the floor my mind is drawn to you, Careful with my words I press onwards losing my grip, With every letter you sent the more and more I lose you, The silhouette of you seems to be everything, Yet you agree and disagree with my everything, I can’t tell if you’re my student or my sensei, Even the black modest dress you wear whispers to me, It makes me wonder if you already have all the warmth you need. If that is the case should I take my leave? I sit here waiting for you between ash and tea, I’m a fool for you, a baka that yearns for you. I wish to cry and weep as I light this candle, If you only knew that you are the coffee to my tea. Knowing this, would you stay with me?
– Claire 4.28.24
I’m a fool for you. – Something nox would say. I get you girl. I get. You.
A recursion of happiness mellows through your heart, Confusion and lust in my thoughts, Embarrassed and exposed you are when we part. I’m a sweet lil girl with a skin of apricot. Did you know that I am as dark as I am light? I’m a masochistic vampire unready to bite, I stare down because I am too afraid to look at the mirror in your eyes, Soon to be judged by you, will I be enough to satisfy? Love, I wonder what it means to you, do just just want me close… a pink hue? Am I just an echo in your mind, soon to be left behind ? My heart beats so tightly, timidly in your hands embrace, A cute face, yes, but a sea of floating sadness reigns supreme in my void, I believe I was meant to be alone. to stay away. I’m too use to being toyed, A broken princess, a hopeless romantic all my life, There is just no way I could be a decent wife! A waterfall in my eyes, at the realization that I cannot be, anyone but me, My instinct is to run away, fade away into the night, To run so far away that I will escape your warm sight. You have something important to say to me… I know what it is, Regardless I know for sure that you love me more than I love you, I want to close my eyes and rest, forget forget, My heart is so cold, conditioned for warmth, I turn towards an ounce of affection, I am always freezing, my temperature controlled by your touch, it’s every sensation, The feeling of me looking up to you is too intense, Blurry, fuzzy, I’m enamored and dazed in every sense, If only I could stay in your arms for another day, But all I can wish for is to say; hey maybe someday.
A kaleidoscope of colors in a moment, How does this heart shaped box unfold, unfold, Its as if time stopped, frozen font, forever cold, Then water run run, forward, brittle frost, How can this be ? this waterfall, clock broken, in working order, I fall down into the leaves, reminisce, wish, foster, crush, Flash, instant, far, distant, Wishing, dreaming, nightmare, leaving. On this peaceful, hopeful day.. Calm breathing… humble care, Warm eminence in this instant, Prefect limerence you appear so distant.
The hopeful timid feeling, Vulnerable in this silence, I can’t speak a word, A calm tenderness, A trifling anticipation, Holding on to my heart so tightly, I faintly hear a yes. Amidst all this chaos, I wish to hear your voice, Say it once more, Let me cherish it’s tender mess. Revert revert, Where have I gone, This heart within me, Where was it all along ?
Cynicism is a choice, But Love is a better one, I’ve always believed this to be true, Like an eerie cannery or a broken truth, A pounding resonating heartbeat, A deafening sound in my ears, Countless tears held back, Why does it hurt so much to accept this fact? Bend my arm and push me down, You stared into my eyes and I’m suppose to smile with this crown ? So…. you don’t love me after all ? You say my words are beautiful. You try to force a song about how you mean nothing to me. You wish to be heartbroken by me… It is because I love you that I must stay away, Dummy, Baka !! So why oh why does everyone hurt me so ? Do you not see me crying in bed for you, Do you not feel my hands all over you, Do you not listen to the few words I do say? Pushing you back isn’t the same as stabbing your back. I gave you all of me, I let you see my soul, All that did… was guarantee you would hurt me so. You are disgusted by me… for being quiet. All my gentle words… I try, And all I will ever be now, is a faded bad memory. I love you, I live in a fantasy where I can say this freely, I way pray in my heart for your peace of mind.. I will hold on to you… somewhere beneath my eyes. The feeling I could not capture no matter what song I flipped through, A thousand hours I spent thinking of you, That thing I could not reach.. The thing I cannot do… I can’t be there for you, I understand now where my empty heart has been, It was not frozen no… I was crying, This feeling in my heart is knowing that I’d lose you. The presence of me is truly awful. Despicable. the worst… even without uttering a word I still hurt others. This pain in my heart, the caring feeling I feel is proof; Of just how far away I should be from everyone. I wish I could speak my mind, but most of all, I wish I could speak my heart, before being lost in tears. Because how can I hope to speak if I’m crying. The only thing that could remedy that would be hug, This space I need from you, I need it… it keeps me from dying into you.
~ Claire 9.29.23
“I don’t think I can love someone who can be like this.”
All those nights, everynight. I finally understand what I was feeling. It was my broken heart. Of not just a single night, but of all of my life.
A fleeting expression; a summer misdirection, All the things I can’t keep in, All the things I could not say, That of which I cannot keep, That of which I should not feel. My hurting expression says it all, If you could only see my eyes, Hear my laughter and touch my skin, A kindle of autumn in my summer that is what you are, A revival of passion in my heart, You are the sunset in my eyes, The golden shimmer reflected iris as time flies. If I only knew then what I know now, I would keep you here with me, yet how.. An unresolved matter, my words fail me when it matters; A reason, a poem of my weak soul, A weak heart you take hold of me, Your voice that will never grow old to me, I would do anything if only I could see you again.
I’ve been so active, forward, drawn, No longer did I stay awake till dawn. Full of love, and joy simple words I thought to soon, A type of hope so chemically reactive it blew up to the moon, The night came near and so I hear, My voice that is so hauntingly dear and clear, So comfortable in your arms, I was unprepared and left unarmed; A baseline of sadness that is me, My amnesia made me forget I am yet to be free, This blanket of depression is what I know best, Vulnerable, open, broken I am all that in eternal rest. A cold death, a musical breath, a beautiful internal mess. I’m a vampire that’s missing you every time we part, It is hope that causes pain, but you that makes my heart. less dark. To be so pretentious to think for a moment it would be easy, Claire, please put it down, take a rest, take it easy; are you okay really ? Un, Till tomorrow, a heart to borrow, a shadow to hide, Reveal me true, and I’ll always bump into you.
– Claire 5.22.23
“Never again just tonight… okay! I’ll give you anything… but you want pain” – Jimmy Eat World
You are like a fever in my heart, A radiating sun strike that is your blade; You bring me to tears in my sheets, And not in the way you might think. Your moody smile makes it real, Fate has struck me down and I kneel, I bend the knee to you. Starstruck; I’m compelled to write to you. Skeptical of your steps, Gentle as they may seem; I worried still, Worried all for naught. Uncorruptible you are, I cannot poison you. I throw magic arrows in disarray. When you hold my face like that, I can’t resist; have me if you wish. I dream to taste your lips, Hold me close don’t go. Please keep me warm. Yes right there..
Alternative Tears 