Snow across my bed there is no ease to pain, In my ears are the memories of your voice a quiet rain, Our path our hopes a missed train, At night this heart yearns for your pillow, These cold blankets lifeless without your eyes that glow, I rest in beats here, my heart forgetting your rhythm, I own nothing of you now, Yet owe half of everything to you, My hands clasped up to my forehead I pray, I’m a fool, silly fool for you; This June, I wish I was your only tune, I let go of you, this kiss for you, this list for you, This gentle music is all I can give to you now. Our world may be ending, But I’m hoping to see you one day smiling.
A recursion of happiness mellows through your heart, Confusion and lust in my thoughts, Embarrassed and exposed you are when we part. I’m a sweet lil girl with a skin of apricot. Did you know that I am as dark as I am light? I’m a masochistic vampire unready to bite, I stare down because I am too afraid to look at the mirror in your eyes, Soon to be judged by you, will I be enough to satisfy? Love, I wonder what it means to you, do just just want me close… a pink hue? Am I just an echo in your mind, soon to be left behind ? My heart beats so tightly, timidly in your hands embrace, A cute face, yes, but a sea of floating sadness reigns supreme in my void, I believe I was meant to be alone. to stay away. I’m too use to being toyed, A broken princess, a hopeless romantic all my life, There is just no way I could be a decent wife! A waterfall in my eyes, at the realization that I cannot be, anyone but me, My instinct is to run away, fade away into the night, To run so far away that I will escape your warm sight. You have something important to say to me… I know what it is, Regardless I know for sure that you love me more than I love you, I want to close my eyes and rest, forget forget, My heart is so cold, conditioned for warmth, I turn towards an ounce of affection, I am always freezing, my temperature controlled by your touch, it’s every sensation, The feeling of me looking up to you is too intense, Blurry, fuzzy, I’m enamored and dazed in every sense, If only I could stay in your arms for another day, But all I can wish for is to say; hey maybe someday.
The hopeful timid feeling, Vulnerable in this silence, I can’t speak a word, A calm tenderness, A trifling anticipation, Holding on to my heart so tightly, I faintly hear a yes. Amidst all this chaos, I wish to hear your voice, Say it once more, Let me cherish it’s tender mess. Revert revert, Where have I gone, This heart within me, Where was it all along ?
Cynicism is a choice, But Love is a better one, I’ve always believed this to be true, Like an eerie cannery or a broken truth, A pounding resonating heartbeat, A deafening sound in my ears, Countless tears held back, Why does it hurt so much to accept this fact? Bend my arm and push me down, You stared into my eyes and I’m suppose to smile with this crown ? So…. you don’t love me after all ? You say my words are beautiful. You try to force a song about how you mean nothing to me. You wish to be heartbroken by me… It is because I love you that I must stay away, Dummy, Baka !! So why oh why does everyone hurt me so ? Do you not see me crying in bed for you, Do you not feel my hands all over you, Do you not listen to the few words I do say? Pushing you back isn’t the same as stabbing your back. I gave you all of me, I let you see my soul, All that did… was guarantee you would hurt me so. You are disgusted by me… for being quiet. All my gentle words… I try, And all I will ever be now, is a faded bad memory. I love you, I live in a fantasy where I can say this freely, I way pray in my heart for your peace of mind.. I will hold on to you… somewhere beneath my eyes. The feeling I could not capture no matter what song I flipped through, A thousand hours I spent thinking of you, That thing I could not reach.. The thing I cannot do… I can’t be there for you, I understand now where my empty heart has been, It was not frozen no… I was crying, This feeling in my heart is knowing that I’d lose you. The presence of me is truly awful. Despicable. the worst… even without uttering a word I still hurt others. This pain in my heart, the caring feeling I feel is proof; Of just how far away I should be from everyone. I wish I could speak my mind, but most of all, I wish I could speak my heart, before being lost in tears. Because how can I hope to speak if I’m crying. The only thing that could remedy that would be hug, This space I need from you, I need it… it keeps me from dying into you.
~ Claire 9.29.23
“I don’t think I can love someone who can be like this.”
All those nights, everynight. I finally understand what I was feeling. It was my broken heart. Of not just a single night, but of all of my life.
I am a complete disarray of colors, I break the rules and stay up way too late, I know when I wake up today I’ll regret this, But still I reach to taste it, I long for that of which I cannot reach, Should I start a twitter; a twitch ? Should I invest in money, love, or fame? What will satisfy this urge, this itch. Does any of it matter, millions in my bank; Million likes and licks, number one on his rank. I am in eternal blue, a fog, a haze, a maze. My god no one understands this fate. Will no one love this heart inside; too late? I’ll jump. okay… okay just a bit wait ! I don’t need to be caught, or taught the way, I just don’t want to be in your way. Trust me though, I know more about the night than you will ever know. Forget it, got to sleep end of flow.
You are like a fever in my heart, A radiating sun strike that is your blade; You bring me to tears in my sheets, And not in the way you might think. Your moody smile makes it real, Fate has struck me down and I kneel, I bend the knee to you. Starstruck; I’m compelled to write to you. Skeptical of your steps, Gentle as they may seem; I worried still, Worried all for naught. Uncorruptible you are, I cannot poison you. I throw magic arrows in disarray. When you hold my face like that, I can’t resist; have me if you wish. I dream to taste your lips, Hold me close don’t go. Please keep me warm. Yes right there..
The silent wave of gentle salty drips, The heart that once beat high now dips, The humid breathe of my soul peers out, A thousand unsent letters never to be found, I wish a dream upon a star, For my compass to reach to where you are, Though it points two ways I will tread far, My goal seems clear and there you are, But when I reach you, Will your eyes reach me, Am i too late to see your eyes? Am i hopeless and yet to realize? Everyday i live a lie that i am sane, Becsuse the moment I lost you it was the end.
Alternative Tears 